If there is one thing noticeably lacking in our culture today, it is a society of healthy families and healthy churches. Dysfunction seems to ooze forth from these relational entities, resulting in a staggering number of relational fractures. Headache and heartache spew forth from those directly involved, with many stammering to find a relationship that first and foremost makes them happy. They cycle from relationship to relationship trying to find the one that will meet their needs; seldom do you find one that is desirous of searching the Scriptures to see God's formula for healthy families and churches. We therefore would do well to reexamine the Scriptures to see God's instructions to us in these areas, in order that those of us who have had an improper understanding of our roles in these relationships might confess our waywardness and return to the LORD's will with steadfast obedience.
Let us first start with the husband who is the spiritual head of the family. A husband is to love his bride as Christ loves the Church (His bride), putting her needs before His own, even if this means his very life. This calling has been given to the husband by the LORD, to help him better appreciate the LORD's own calling as husband to the Church and "has given himself up for the church in order that he might make her holy and purified to present her as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or blemish." (see Ephesians 5:25-33). One can see the beauty of a loving LORD who lavishes His love to the Church, with the desire of presenting her in beautiful splendor before the heavenly hosts in eternity at the celebration of the wedding feast. This is LOVE at its finest!
Husbands would do well to reflect often upon the LORD's modeling and embrace these principles of love and ministry that would bless his bride. There is no discerning wife that would reject such a display of love and kindness; in fact, there are many brides who are grieving in the deepest depths of their souls because they are married to self-absorbed husbands who are only interested in satisfying their personal needs. If you find yourself a husband like this, it is time to confess your egregious sin to the LORD and your wife, and return to the Biblical understanding of your calling as a servant to the LORD and a true "lover" of your wife. You will be blessed if you do.
So too a man who is a father is called to love his children, modeling the unfathomable love that God the Father has for us as His children (see I John 3:1). This father is to demonstrate constancy in his Godly integrity so that his children will be granted the blessing of stability and security, in much the same way that God the Father is unchanging in His purposes of righteousness so that we are secure in our faith in Him as LORD (see Hebrews 6:17; James 1:17). A father is to discipline his children in love so that they will follow the precepts of the LORD in their adult lives (Hebrews 12:7-8; Proverbs 22:6). Of course this mandate to discipline is with the understanding that it is given constructively and redemptively . . . in order that the children will not lose heart in exasperation (Ephesians 6:4). How often have we observed the dearth of Godly fathers in the home (if they are even in the home)? How often have we seen mothers being forced to take the initiative to take their children to church and prepare devotions for their children in the home, while the father is disengaged from anything spiritually related? This should never be! The fathers are to be the spiritual leaders in the home . . . this is their calling. If you are a father and are neither modeling integrity in your life nor leading your family in intimate fellowship with the LORD, it would be better for you to tie a millstone around your neck and cast yourself in the depths of the sea (see Luke 17:1-2)! Therefore confess your sins of disobedience to the LORD's calling and start being the Godly father that you are supposed to be.
A wife is called to submit to her Godly husband in everything in much the same way as the Church is to submit to Christ as its Head and Savior (see Ephesians 5:22-24, I Peter 3:1-7). Submission unfortunately has been relegated by our society to being a suppressive instrument that inhibits women from being all that they can be. This of course is not the intended purpose of the LORD. Much like the calling for husbands to love their wives in order that they and their wives might better appreciate through experience God's love for the Church, so too through submission, wives and their husbands are able to understand through their personal, relational experience the calling of the Church to surrender to the LORD in all things. This submission does not mean that women have less intrinsic value than their husbands; rather, it is a functional role that God has prescribed to give us an earthly model that helps us better understand the ultimate heavenly marriage (i.e. God and the Church). This submission is seen as "fitting to the LORD" (Colossians 3:18). Need any more be said?
Much like the husband is to be a Godly man of integrity, being a blessing to his family, a wife is also to be a woman of noble character, which will be her husband's crown (see Proverbs 12:4). If the wife demonstrates such Godliness, her husband will be respected in the community for having a wife like this, and he will praise her for being such a blessing (see Proverbs 31:23, 28). Whereas this command might be quite foreign in our modern culture, still it is the Divine mandate for a healthy, vibrant marital relationship.
A wife who is a mother is to nurture and challenge her children so that they will mature in faith with each passing year. If she faithfully fulfills this calling, her children will not depart from Godly principles as they grow older. . . but will rise up, praising the LORD and blessing the name of their mother (Proverbs 22:6; 31:28). This too is the calling of the Church . . . as the bride and mother to nurture and challenge its congregants so that they will mature in the faith. There's no seeker-sensitive, sweet, sticky, cinnamon-bun spirituality here!
Children are called to submit to and respect their mother and father, for their parents have been placed in their positions of authority by the LORD. The Lord is pleased with such surrender (Colossians 3:20) and promises that things will go well for the child who submits to his Godly parents (Ephesians 6:3). If children will respect and obey their Godly parents, they will have no difficulty in surrendering themselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, which is the critical ingredient of salvation!
So too are the congregants to "obey their spiritual leaders and submit to their authority (for they) keep watch over the members as men who must give an account (before God)." (Hebrews 13:17, I Timothy 5:17,19; I Thessalonians 5:12). How often have we observed unruly, recalcitrant "church members" who would rebel against all those in spiritual authority over them? They are the instigators of disharmony and dissension within the church, much like Diotrephes, who was antagonistic in the church because "he loved to be first." (see 3 John 9-10). Just as a local family is quite dysfunctional when its children do not respect and submit to their parents, so too is the church whose congregants constantly rebel against the leadership appointed by the LORD. Many churches are dying from within, because its members are self-consumed and will not submit themselves to the Godly elders of the church, who again have been placed in their positions by the LORD to lead the church in the ways of obedience and righteousness until the day of our reclamation.
There is much to reflect upon in the above mandates from the LORD. May we break free from the dysfunction that is so prevalent in our culture by faithfully following our Divinely-appointed, relational responsibilities. We will be blessed in our families and in our churches if we do.
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