Godly Fathers, Where Are You?

Proverbs 20:7: "The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him."


Having been in pastoral ministry for 10 years now, I sadly have observed the relational fallout that has occurred in the lives of individuals who have been neglected and abused by their ungodly fathers. It seems that the lives of these adults, who as children were disillusioned by the lack of Godly character in their fathers and the resultant dysfunction of the home, are spiraling out of control into the abyss of spiritual and emotional despondency. The lack of familial consistency, stability, and honor in the home has bred within these individuals innumerable insecurities that were birthed in the upheaval of the impressionable years of these once-children-now-adults' lives; and now, many of these adults struggle with depression and the need for affirmation, affection, and hope for the future. There is a sense of alienation and undesirableness in their spirits, and these feelings of unworthiness seem to manifest themselves in psychosocial abnormalities. Many of these folks bear the curse of their detached, ungodly fathers in the following ways:



-Lack of motivation: believing that their efforts will not be affirmed and are hence inconsequential.

-Poor spousal selections: concluding that they must settle relationally for anyone who will display affection since they are unworthy to receive love from most people with whom they come in contact.

-Underachievement: failing to take achievement risks for fear of failure, as these failures may reaffirm their unworthiness.

-Dysfunctional behavior and poor relational skills: seeing the ungodliness of their fathers as normative and thus repeating the inappropriate behavior in their own lives. This may be manifest in their own neglect of their own children, coupled with their quest for self-adulation to the detriment of everyone else.

-Substance abuse: attempting to detach from the pain that has come from years of parental neglect.

-Anxiety disorders: believing that the world is not a safe place and therefore struggling with being able to trust that they can be protected in their environment.

-Lack of intimacy: an unwillingness to get close with others, believing that others will disappoint them just like their fathers.

-Controlling behavior: feeling so out of control that they develop an overbearing, controlling disposition towards others (children of alcoholic fathers are notorious for this).


Tragically, the list could continue indefinitely. The hope is that the scripture cited above will be a good word of direction for fathers. If dads would lead a righteous life of obedience and submission to the Lord . . . if they would live lives completely committed to God . . . if their actions would be consistent with a life pledged to the Lord and His commands . . . if they would minister to their children by spending time with them and loving them . . . . if they would commit to love and affirm their wives . . . . and if they would demonstrate Godly integrity and consistency with everyone in whom they have contact, then their children will be blessed, not only in their early years of development, but in their adult years as well.


James Dobson has said, "there is one person-one man that every child longs to look up to, to emulate, to know that he or she can count on when the chips are down. He is the one that all children, in the deep reaches of their hearts, want most as a hero. Dad." (See A Father, A Hero, pg 9). This principle is reaffirmed in Proverbs 17:6: "Parents are the pride of their children." Fathers are to bless their children by providing unconditional love, unconditional affirmation, stability, integrity, and security in the home. To fail to do this will rot the spirits of their children, and few will recover from such neglect.


As fathers, let's be men who are passionate for the Lord and decidedly committed to our families. When we live righteous lives, our Lord will be honored, and we will provide the greatest gifts that we could ever give to our children . . . the gifts of love, honor, and security.