Open Rebuke is Better Than Hidden Love

Proverbs 27:5-6: "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."



Confrontation is never an easy experience, for we are concerned that our expressions of admonition will be misconstrued as self-righteous acrimony. All of us have had situations in which we have observed sinful behavior in our family and friends, and we have felt the compulsion to approach them about the issue. But then we find ourselves evaluating the potential relational damage that could result from such a confrontation. Many of us have acquiesced to our fears that such an intervention is not worth the loss of the friendships that we have, and we say nothing. In the mean time, our friends and family continue down a path of sin, which ultimately brings pain and heartache. Whereas we may believe that we did better by not saying anything, in effect, we have done more damage to our friends and family for saying nothing.



We must remember that the Holy Spirit is the one who convicts people of sin (John 16:8), not us. But many times, God uses us as the instruments to begin the process of conviction in a person's life. Even if our Christian friends respond caustically to our expressed concern of sin in their lives, the Holy Spirit may use that encounter to plant a seed that will one day reach the full harvest of repentance.



Still, we must examine ourselves to see if our motivations at confrontation are pure. As we are restoring our brothers or sisters in Christ, we must make certain that we have (1) assessed the situation correctly and (2) have a proper disposition in our approach. We must make certain that we have examined the circumstances so that we make proper assertions towards the one we are confronting. In many cases, this takes time and even continuous, constructive dialogue with that person about the issue. We must also approach that person in a spirit of meekness and humility, knowing that we are also subject to temptation in our own lives (Galatians 6:1). Some thrive in identifying the faults in others, because it boosts their perception of self-worth. This is an egregious sin that the Lord finds utterly detestable (Proverbs 6:17).



Again, we understand the difficulty in approaching others and addressing sin in their lives; still, we all can remember times when we wished our friends would have had the boldness to share an open rebuke to us in a spirit of love so that we could have avoided the trouble caused by some sinful activity in our own lives. For us simply to share platitudes and turn a blind eye to observable sin in a fellow Christian's life is to sin against that person. We demonstrate by our unresponsiveness that we are more concerned with our personal loss of fellowship with that person than with helping him avoid the perils that sin presents. This ultimately is selfishness at its core.



We must remember that our true friends are those who don't simply share with us what we want to hear, but they are willing to share the honest painful truth with us. Trust is enhanced and a friendship is strengthened when a person in a spirit of love and redemption is willing to admonish his friend.