How Do You Discipline Your Children?

Proverbs 29:17,21: "Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul . . . . If a man pampers his servant from youth, he will bring grief in the end."



In our culture today, it seems that there is a strong aversion to parental discipline in any form. The "experts" as some would call them would argue that to discipline a child is to restrict him from reaching his fullest potential. These experts would also tell us that discipline fosters low self-esteem and insecurities that could be avoided if a child were given the chance to live life freely, unencumbered by any restrictions in life. Tragically, many parents have bought into such fallacious wisdom, believing that they will demonstrate love to their children best if they remove any restraints or consequences that could evoke "bad feelings."



God's Word is rather counter-instructional to this modern philosophy. As one reads the 29th Chapter of Proverbs, one finds that discipline is a productive ingredient in child rearing. If a parent is willing to discipline his child lovingly and constructively, then the child will respond with "peace" to the parent. That is, the child will learn to respect those in authority over him, and will glean from his parents the wisdom needed to bless himself and others. As the child honors his parents (i.e. by respecting their position as spiritual leaders in the home and their accumulated wisdom through years of personal experience), he will bring joy to them. The parents will bask in the pride of knowing that their child is fulfilling his calling given to him by the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-3).

Time and again I have watched the children of loving, principle-driven, discipline-oriented parents accomplish great things with their lives. As these parents disciplined their children, they instilled within them an awareness of respect and responsibility in life, which in turn birthed in these children the ability to self-discipline themselves to achieve their goals. These children would grow to demonstrate stability, maturity, and respect as adults. They would become well-behaved, secure, and confident, for they knew that the boundaries that were placed early in their lives by their parents were consistent, dependable, and ultimately rewarding. These children could trust the standards enacted by their parents as those which would provide personal blessing, as long as these principles were respected and obeyed.



The second part of this proverb is the antithesis of effective child-rearing through discipline, namely that the perpetual pampering of a person will lead to "grief in the end." I have observed parents who haphazardly created an environment of "anything goes" in the home. Being afraid of hurting their children or even losing their children's affections, these parents decided to let their children pursue any and all desires, irrespective of the selfish, hedonistic disposition that this approach was purporting . These children had no consequences for disobedience; they would be free to do what they willed in any manner that they willed. Tragically as these children would grow into adulthood, they would lack the abilities of discipline and restraint that would help them live honorable lives based upon order and courtesy. Many of these children even would refuse to honor and respect their parents, for their parents created within them the philosophy that all ends should gratify these children's selfish pursuits. Thus for these children, personal satisfaction would become the end to which all things must yield, even if others are hurt in the process. These children would bring dishonor and grief to their parents and to society.

Many of our societal ills have been created by dysfunctional homes, where the parents have not fulfilled their God-mandated responsibility of modeling Godly maturity for their children and fostering an environment of Godly discipline that would give their children structure, support, and stability. In speaking of the tremendous correlation between familial leadership and the health of a society, A. Skevinton Wood (Principle of Cliff College, in Derbyshire, England), has said, "Disobedience to parents is a symptom of a disintegrating social structure, and Christian families have a particular responsibility not to contribute to the collapse of an ordered community." Those of us for have submitted ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ should not fall prey to the prevailing philosophies of modern parenting. As we lead our children, we need to follow the principles found in the Holy Scriptures, for it is only then that we will find that our children will respond with blessings to our Lord, to us, and to others.