The Blessing of Friendship

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three stands is not quickly broken."



About ten years ago, my father made a rather profound statement to me. He said, "Curt, in the final scheme of things, life is about faith, family, and friends." Not only do I wholeheartedly agree with this statement, but I also believe that the quality of one's life can be measured in terms of these relational categories. We were never created to live in isolation; in fact, one of the ways in which we are made in the image of God is that we are relational beings, capable of having close fellowship with God and other people.



The context of the passage cited above is found in the verses preceding it. The writer of Ecclesiastes shares the story of a wealthy miser, who consumed himself with the accumulation of money to the detriment of relationships. He presumably had no spouse, for he had no heirs to inherit his riches; he also had long since abandoned his birth family for his passionate pursuit of affluency. Now he finds himself all alone, but still unsatisfied with what he had accumulated. By his own lips, this miser complains that he is depriving himself of the enjoyment of life, for he has no one with which to share his life. He calls his plot utterly "meaningless, a miserable business." As I read this Scriptural account, I cannot help but remember the story of Ebenezer Scrooge in the Dicken's classic, A Christmas Carol. I can see Scrooge alone at his dark counting house, reviewing his books to see how much he has made in his business transactions . . . a poor, wretched soul who has forsaken the blessing of communion with others.



When we invest in the lives of others, we find that there is a reciprocal blessing to us in return. We find that if we "fall, (our) friend will help us up." Just as we would be ready to lend a hand when our friends are in need, so too we find open arms waiting for us in times of difficulty and despair. We become reciprocal agents of blessing for each other, and we find purpose in life by being in community.



It has been said that "you die like you live." That is, how one responds to the reality of death is a function of how one has prepared for that day by putting his ultimate trust in God. I would extend this proverb by saying that one's funeral can be a measure of one's investment in the lives of others. This reminds me of the tragic life of one who crossed my path some fifteen years ago (I will refer to him as "Jim"). Jim was a man who was self-absorbed; he alienated his family and friends, using them for his own selfish purposes. Seldom was there any effort on his part to minister to others without there being a "catch." I grieved for Jim, but being half his age, I was too intimidated to share truth with him. Jim was not connected to any church family, nor did he express his allegiance to Jesus Christ. He had been divorced several times, and he had ostracized his children. Jim lived a rather pathetic life of isolation by his own choosing.



One summer day, Jim died unexpectedly (he was only in his early 50s at the time). How sad it was to attend his funeral. There were not enough people in Jim's life to serve as pallbearers; the funeral home had to "recruit" others to help in that endeavor. No one was there to share how Jim had made an impact in his/her life. Although the pastor shared a few scripture passages hoping to comfort the few attendees, in the end, we all knew that Jim had lived a most wretched life. To be sure, there had been days in which Jim had accumulated sizable wealth; but he squandered it all away on himself. He never used what he had to impact the lives of others. Now when Jim should have had the honor of others verbalizing their love and admiration of him, the voices were noticeably silent.



We must remember that when we draw our final breath, we likely will not be consumed with our material acquisitions, our vast estates, our padded retirement accounts, etc. Rather, we will reflect upon those significant ones that entered our lives and enriched us. In the final scheme of things, life is truly all about faith, family, and friends.